Actual Happy not Food Happy

I missed posting yesterday, Ive been so tired lately. Yesterday was a gym day but I was only able to go 30 minutes on the treadmill for some reason I was getting dizzy and Vinny my service dog kept alerting me so I stopped, today I felt much better and went 46 minutes and still felt like I could go more with the exception of my knee hurting which I'm sure it hurts from carrying my fat butt around. It really is getting easier to walk on the treadmill and make better choices although I slipped yesterday and had two frozen dinner things instead of one but at least they both had vegetables in them.

I'm really surprised that I'm getting responses from people who are or have gone through the same thing I am. Now that I'm not taking the appetite suppressants its all on me now to make the right choices when I had to pills I wasn't hungry and had more energy mostly because those things are pretty much speed which with my heart condition wasn't a good mix, although I did feel as if I could run a marathon or it was more like that scene in Corky Romano where the guy is all high on cocaine and cant stop talking and yelling. I'm just me now and its all my choices now that will either make me or break me, this is day 10 the tipping point and Ive made it so far! I'm actually doing it, Ive lost a total of 9 pounds which isn't much when I weighed 234 but its slowly looking better. I can do this, I think....

Downloading healthier recipes and cooking healthier foods and eating the frozen meal things are super good although they are kinda small to me but then again I'm not used to eating regular portions so it could be normal sized for people who don't eat entire pizzas and sadly I have eaten things I found under my couch, I'm not saying they were just loose under there just that I wasn't sure how old they were but I ate them anyways. I'm not proud of it but I still did it and it was gross. I'm also starting to not feel as anxious all the time with the exercise I'm too tired to be scared I think, I mean I still get scared and I by no means over my panic disorder I'm just feeling better and don't feel so foggy anymore either.

I guess all these years of thinking I felt fine and that I was happy weren't true, I'm happy but I feel somehow different like I was happy before but only after I had filled myself with whatever I could find. Now I'm like really happy and not food happy if that makes sense.

                                             Even Vinny keeps an eye on his weight <3